i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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