Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
