so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
