just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
