oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
