dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
