i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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