In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
