Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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