Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
