So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
