Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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