Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
