watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
