i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
