Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
