Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
