I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
