chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
