I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
