I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
