yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
