I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
