Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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