Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
