My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
