Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
