Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
