I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
