When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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