I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
