you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
