I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
