Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
