I met the friendliest cop last night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
