I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
