dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My vagina just clenched in fear
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