you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
