i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
