I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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