Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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