so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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