dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
