The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
