If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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