her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
