The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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