No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
