im drinking this country out of the recession.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
