The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
