I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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