are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
